A Truce of Sorts
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Dripping Paint
User:Mattes (creator), monsoonami (idea)
We
sat at the table
Amidst
flowers swaying on the breeze
Mingling
scents of garlic and jasmine
Spilling
out of planter boxes to my right—
In a
parallel universe
I
watched
Conversation
punctuated by laughter
And the
soft yellow glow of candles,
All at
other tables.
A jar
of Dijon sat between us,
A mediator
of sorts I suppose
It’s
red, white and blue label
Speaking
of truce
Speaking
into the silence
When
I could stand it no longer,
I
reached over to it and started pulling at the corners of its label
Shredding
its brightness
Into
pieces on the table in front of me.
You reached
over and cleaned up my little mess,
Annoyed
I think.
And I
packaged up my tears
Into
their edges before they blew away.
Those moments. So close - yet so very far away. You really captured the scene - contrasting the happy sights and sounds and aromas surrounding them - to the gloom hanging over their table. And yet - in spite of the tension in the air, or maybe because of it (we've all been there) there is a real sweetness to the piece.
ReplyDeleteThank you Wendy--I so appreciate your comments!
Deletemmm full of emotion audrey...that jar of mustard, the tearing up the label---and then cleaning it up...punctuates the differences....
ReplyDeleteThanks Brian--smiles to you
DeleteThis is such a strong poem, Audrey. I could feel the awkwardness, the discomfort. The silence of this poem spoke loudly. The ending of the poem had impact...and I experienced the release the tears finally brought.
ReplyDeleteThen I am glad Mary--Thank you!
DeleteYou captured the essence of Memorial Day in just a few lines. Remarkable. I love your poems - they're packed full of wonderful and powerful images.
ReplyDeleteHi Cyndi! Thank you for for comments--always wonderful to see you here!!
DeleteBrilliant poetry....I was sitting at the table with those two and feeling the raw emotions barely held back.
ReplyDeleteHi Bill--thank you so much for stopping by---greatly appreciated!
DeleteI think I've lived that scene, so vivid in your words
ReplyDeleteI think many of us have--thank you firefly
DeleteI love that garlic and jasmine. Nicely done throughout.
ReplyDeleteThank you Linda--I feel myself struggling right now in my writing--maybe that is the tension named in the piece
DeleteI think we can all feel the awkward tension between the two at the restaurant. Such a strong contrast between the other couples that seem to be happy and the beautiful odor and sights of flowers and candles. I just want to get out of there... Great poem Audrey.
ReplyDeleteI love this so much. The emotions sit lingering in the label. Just beautiful writing.
ReplyDeleteYou walked the tightrope of emotion brilliantly here. So many little reveals, one after the other, adding up to me feeling like a Peeping Tom at the next table.
ReplyDeleteSuch a shame [ as in 'such a pity' ].
ReplyDeleteAnd such a waste of time, if only we had the strength to confront openly and clear the air without hopelessness intervening.
How sad to end this way ~ I hope they can patch things up ~ Enjoyed the story Audrey ~
ReplyDeleteWow, Audrey. You precise use of detail really built up to this sucker-punch ending. In the beginning I was with you, noticing, contemplating. And then you hurl me into that finale. Again, wow. Well-done.
ReplyDeleteGreat Job... I feel the awkwardness! just wonderful!
ReplyDeleteThis is so felt, so perfect, Audrey. Your words convey the scene, the emotion so well. Excellent writing!
ReplyDeleteI can feel the tension at this table and how she "packaged up her tears...before they blew away, so moving. Beautiful!
ReplyDeleteThat's a scene so similar to so many...a little gem sparkling with frustration, regret..a lot packed into a small package and very well done.
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful sad picture and that last stanza wow--Made my heart ache
ReplyDeleteisn't that how it is sometimes... we take our pain out on something else
ReplyDeleteA truce does not erase the pain or dry the tears. What a lovely poem. It seems so personal yet something to which we can all relate.
ReplyDeleteThe part about Dijon came as a surprise but was so wonderful! You weaved it through the poem and I felt like I was watching the scene.
ReplyDeleteOh, the emotion. I love the Dijon stanza. It could stand as a poem on its own. Well written.
ReplyDeleteSo mach said in the picking and peeling away. Great visual.
ReplyDeleteA truce of sorts does not clean away the past, sweeping bits of memory to the trash. The bits stay with us, sometimes haunting, sometimes changing us. We will never be the same again. Such a powerful poem.
ReplyDeleteSilence speaks ever so much louder than words sometimes, as do actions. I would say a tentative truce at best. You have captured the angst of this moment so very well. Nicely written.
ReplyDeleteAmazing, isn't it, how so much emotion can be expressed through a multicoloured label of a jar of mustard. Wonderfully conceived.
ReplyDeleteI love this piece. Thank you for sharing, Audrey. ♥
ReplyDeleteIn restaurants I frequently observe people at other tables, who are not so happy, and are peeling off the labels of something or other...really peeling off their own onion skins of unwanted behaviors.
ReplyDeleteYou describe well a couple, of whom I sure hope you are not a part of. Anguished silence.
The scenes you describe emote the feelings perfectly ... loved it !!!
ReplyDeleteI could so easily imagine this scenario - it was like I could swap places and it was happening to me. Great write!
ReplyDeleteThose are the most awkward of moments when there seems to be nothing to say and yet, if only...... Loved this Audrey.
ReplyDeleteIsn't that that the worst time when the silence speaks much more than words.. Somehow moments like that will stay as scars even if we men and go on.
ReplyDeleteA brilliantly observed moment Audrey. I love the way you take a small intimate act and make it feel universally significant. A great gift.
ReplyDeleteSo vivid and full of raw emotion. Beautifully written piece!
ReplyDeleteI remember a time when I experienced moments like you describe. Many years later - not so much. I rarely allow myself to spend very long in such uncomfortable circumstances. It's taken me a long time and work, but so worth it. Loved your capturing the situation so vividly.ndnd
ReplyDeleteVery vivid description here. You've really packed a lot of emotion into this piece.
ReplyDeleteA peace sought amidst a contrast of emotions, hopeful at first,alas forlorn. A bittersweet experience ending with resignation.
ReplyDeleteA piece so well-expressed chock full of emotion, connects with most of us in the strongest way . . . we feel it.
This is a nice write in many respects - language, tone, pace, depth of emotion.
Cheers!
Small moments like these frame our lives. Such a vivid capture! I felt like I was there, watching....wonderful write :)
ReplyDeleteAwkward, painful - and beautifully described. Being together and so far apart...
ReplyDeleteI believe I have lived a similar moment like that, Audrey. You paint the scene perfectly.
ReplyDeletePamela
I love this!
ReplyDeleteSo much to say...so much better left unsaid, and yet...
ReplyDelete"You reached over and cleaned up my little mess,Annoyed I think." The last gasp of the end of a relationship? Great capture.
ReplyDeleteGreat post and picture too.
ReplyDeletehttp://joycelansky.blogspot.com
sometimes the environment is beautiful,but love is what matters. Apoem of great depth
ReplyDeleteBeautiful pairing of verse and image!
ReplyDeleteShredding the brightness - he cleaned up the mess when he should have wiped the tears...
ReplyDeletewhoa, those two last lines really stir it up. wonderful imagery, beautifully sad.
ReplyDeletethe ending really adds to the intensity...