Check Engine Again
How was it that a check engine light could create so much havoc?
I saw it blink at me
undermining the moment's plans,
an unlikely metaphor really.
Check fluids,
those vital to the smooth running of things
before breakdown.
What would have happened
had I done so
on that spring morning you died
would I have felt that loss less keenly I wonder,
would I feel it less now?
your death left me fractured,
ground at the edges like so much
sand
and once ground
those pieces never fit together again
so when that check engine light came on today
I pounded the steering wheel and cried
for both of us.
copyright/all rights reserved Audrey Howitt 22014
Posted for Poet's United Poetry Pantry
ugh. what a metaphor.
ReplyDeleteand plays at what haunts us all...could i have done something to change the ultimate reality of their death.
sad and full of remorse.. we tend to analyze every move we made afterwards.
ReplyDeleteGosh Audrey, a brave and yet perfectly measured write... Your skill as a poet allows you to perfectly encapsulate what you want to say with power, integrity and originality too. All respect to you. Sending healing thoughts too... Scott
ReplyDeleteOh Audrey, I did not know you have suffered a loss. I am so sorry. This poem is so exactly on the money - it is the seemingly small things that unexpectedly plunge us into grief. The what if's are always so hard to bear.
ReplyDeleteIf just the warning light would come on.. With cars it's so clear.. But with humans it will come too late sometimes.
ReplyDeleteIf just the warning light would come on.. With cars it's so clear.. But with humans it will come too late sometimes.
ReplyDeleteVery powerful
ReplyDeleteZQ
That ending, so sad & haunting in its loss ~ Beautifully written Audrey ~
ReplyDeleteOver sad nicely presented, wishing you a nice Sunday
ReplyDeleteMuch love...
I am sorry for your loss, Audrey. I can relate to these small daily incidents that can painfully remind us of a loved one and cause a surge of grief.
ReplyDeleteOh Audrey, I so empathize with this. The 'check engine light' is certainly a dread of mine! And so hard when it brings to mind someone is grieved.....so sorry, Audrey.
ReplyDeleteThis is so sad when we suffer a loss. I guess it would be nice to
ReplyDeletehave a self check engine within ourselves.
Very well written Audrey. Your sentiment of grief is perfectly conveyed here. I am so sorry for your loss. But please, let go of the guilt. No one can control these things. Yet, I understand how we tend to go into the "what ifs" when something like this happens. Thanks for sharing it here.
ReplyDeleteMay god be with you
ReplyDeleteAudrey, I so hope this isn't autobiographical.
ReplyDeleteWhatever the reality: those 'what if' thoughts keep nagging and nagging, don't they. Let's hope this well written expression of them abolishes them from your mind.
This poem is the quintessential example of creativity, taking something mundane and making it oh so personal. Beautiful work.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure why this incident with my car brought this all back for me--it had been been a long time since I had touched these feelings--thank you everyone--
ReplyDeleteOUCH!
ReplyDeleteBut pound we must until we forgive. Meanwhile the ritual is part of the entire memorial, a smaller part than it seems.
I agree with Brian...when death comes unexpectedly we roll the what if through us...Powerful metaphor in your check engine light.
ReplyDeleteHeartbreakingly beautiful... who knew a check engine light could be so.
ReplyDeletewhew...strong and felt Audrey. Perfect example of how the relatively smaller things can trigger the deeper ones.
ReplyDelete