The Notebook of Dreams

I had not intended to write this today
As the sun shines
Through waning days of autumn
I had thought to write
Or of my garden, overgrown
Or of my love for husband or daughters
Out of every pore
Loneliness crept out
Showing its face in decayed light
Not joy
Not even ever-defining chores
That surround and fill my day
But the loneliness
That seeps into
Crevices and bone
Making marrow of nights and days
In timely fashion
This was not what I asked for
Or maybe not
But nonetheless
It crowds my thoughts
And permeates my view
I am tempted to cry
The tears of resignation
But remain dry-eyed
In the face of this
My enduring legacy of fear
When I am no more
Will you have known
My secret heart
Will you have found this,
My secret notebook of dreams?

copyright/all rights reserved Audrey Howitt 2011 

posted for dverse 


  1. I hope someone finds it and that it is poured over like a fine wine. Enriched through the tears and the years improving with age.
    What a lovely write from you.

  2. The marrow metaphor is a fascinating one, different from the more common "feeling my marrow freeze". Yours involves a softening, a weakening of the bone but then, in marrow, there's also a rich source of new blood and possibility.

  3. Truly inspiring piece. Hopefully someone who can appreciate it finds it.

  4. of the reasons i keep a notebook is so that i have something to leave behind...perhaps for my boys to read...and i have found in writing i bring what i got that day..whatever creeps through those pores...

  5. there are some things that just need to be written...i also tend to write the moment...whatever feelings flood my boat...helps me often to sort them out..

  6. My secret notebook of dreams, nice but a bit sad. Well written Audrey.

  7. i think we all feel that way sometimes, writing through it, recording it, claiming it. it all helps.

  8. Ah, we all know (and feel a bit guilty) about these feelings. The thing is that when you want to write, you also want a reader, and this becomes incredibly important. It is part of who you are. Really well said. K.

  9. Writing is so therapeutic. Thanks for sharing your feelings. I get that way, too.

  10. Your secret notebook of dreams is quite sad, but as others have said, expressive of a mood we all experience at times. Very courageous of you to share such feelings.

  11. secret notes of dreams,

    amazing one, both creepy and fulfilling.


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