Breath
Kabir Bakie
Orchids on display at the Krohn Conservatory of Cincinnati
Wikimedia commons
Light pales yellow on white
gauze billows under breeze’s lift
to make room for breath
to open lip and nape
copyright/all rights reserved
According to Kerry, Jue Ju is one of the oldest of the Chinese patterns and in the 3rd century AD the Jue Ju was very popular. It often carried "suggestively erotic themes".
Line length: 5 words per line
Lines per stanza: 4
Theme: Often suggestive of erotic love
Rhyme scheme: couplets or unrhymed
Lines per stanza: 4
Theme: Often suggestive of erotic love
Rhyme scheme: couplets or unrhymed
Lovely capture of breath to open lip and nape ~
ReplyDeleteThank you Heaven--this was a fun write
DeleteThis captures the mood perfectly......love the breath to "open lip and nape".
ReplyDeleteThank you Sherry!
DeleteLovely mood and lilt to this--full of grace, and a sensuality that savors/ generates beauty. You really have captured the oblique quality of the Chinese form, I think.
ReplyDeletePS. I never read anyone's poem before I do a prompt, and I used nape also--not a very common word. Strange stuff like this is always happening.
Thank you Joy! Hope all is well with you!--I saw that--you and I must have been on the same wave-length!
Deletewow...orchids are beautiful and what better way to personify them.
ReplyDeletegreat creation, Audrey!
Hi Ruchira! Thank you!!
DeleteYou captured the form and it worked perfectly with the image. Beautiful!
ReplyDeleteHi Susie! Thank you!!!
DeleteThose last five words seal the deal. This is wonderful poetry, Audrey.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kerry! And thank you for supplying the challenge!
DeleteEven before I saw the "theme" I thought, ohhh, that's VERY suggestive, but ELOQUENTLY so! Bravo!
ReplyDeleteThis is just lovely! I must look for a fan. (Smiles.)
ReplyDeletevery, very nice.
ReplyDeleteThis reads as if translated from the Chinese. And I mean that as a compliment: you managed to capture an exotic style of thinking.
ReplyDeleteI love the measure of modesty here.
ReplyDeleteThat 2nd line is especially gorgeous, Audrey
Five words per line...I couldn't stick to that, but you did it so well, Audrey...an economy of words skillfully combined into an abundance of sensuality.
ReplyDeleteKay, Alberta, Canada
You certainly did this very well...there's something about pale yellow on white...
ReplyDeleteBreath-taking!
ReplyDeleteGraceful beauty!!
ReplyDeleteUnderstated eroticism ... how perfect!!
ReplyDelete...gauze billows under breeze’s lift
ReplyDeletecooling and refreshing on a warm night... lovely imagery.