Saturday, October 20, 2012

Breath



Kabir Bakie
Orchids on display at the Krohn Conservatory of Cincinnati
Wikimedia commons



Light pales yellow on white
gauze billows under breeze’s lift
to make room for breath
to open lip and nape

copyright/all rights reserved


According to Kerry, Jue Ju is one of the oldest of the Chinese patterns and in the 3rd century AD the Jue Ju was very popular. It often carried "suggestively erotic themes". 
Line length: 5 words per line
Lines per stanza: 4
Theme: Often suggestive of erotic love
Rhyme scheme: couplets or unrhymed

Real Toads-Kerry’s Mini Sunday Challenge-


23 comments:

  1. Lovely capture of breath to open lip and nape ~

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  2. This captures the mood perfectly......love the breath to "open lip and nape".

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  3. Lovely mood and lilt to this--full of grace, and a sensuality that savors/ generates beauty. You really have captured the oblique quality of the Chinese form, I think.

    PS. I never read anyone's poem before I do a prompt, and I used nape also--not a very common word. Strange stuff like this is always happening.

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    1. Thank you Joy! Hope all is well with you!--I saw that--you and I must have been on the same wave-length!

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  4. wow...orchids are beautiful and what better way to personify them.

    great creation, Audrey!

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  5. You captured the form and it worked perfectly with the image. Beautiful!

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  6. Those last five words seal the deal. This is wonderful poetry, Audrey.

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    1. Thank you Kerry! And thank you for supplying the challenge!

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  7. Even before I saw the "theme" I thought, ohhh, that's VERY suggestive, but ELOQUENTLY so! Bravo!

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  8. This is just lovely! I must look for a fan. (Smiles.)

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  9. This reads as if translated from the Chinese. And I mean that as a compliment: you managed to capture an exotic style of thinking.

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  10. I love the measure of modesty here.
    That 2nd line is especially gorgeous, Audrey

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  11. Five words per line...I couldn't stick to that, but you did it so well, Audrey...an economy of words skillfully combined into an abundance of sensuality.

    Kay, Alberta, Canada

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  12. You certainly did this very well...there's something about pale yellow on white...

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  13. Understated eroticism ... how perfect!!

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  14. ...gauze billows under breeze’s lift

    cooling and refreshing on a warm night... lovely imagery.

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